My mind is tired. My heart is tired. I am generally feeling raw and slightly bedraggled. Still, I am not all at a loss. Yesterday, I experienced losing something that I never really had in the first place. I allowed myself to wallow in the loss for a time, but then a strange notion occurred to me, "I have been doing way too much cerebral knitting and my psyche needs some instant gratification." Remembering the gorgeous malbrygio that was currently being used for an unsuccessful pair of mits, as well as an excellent pattern for a cowl (Caterpillar cowl by Anushka Tay/free pattern available on her blog) that I had only done once before, I knew exactly how to work myself through. You see, the something I lost was basically a relationship that could not go forward. Sometimes, when one can't go forward, one returns to a point of success in order to remind oneself that they are capable of surviving anything. My last cowl was beautiful. Granted it is attached to a tank top, but it was still a success in itself. I needed a straight knit. No patterns, no thinking, no complications, in the round, and good for amazing variegation. I finished it in one night. By the time it was finished, my soul was well, and I had let the "what if's " and "if onlys" float from my heart like ash caught in the breeze. It is well, and my neck is very snuggly.
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